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Author Holy Gospel: Inverse, chorus
Berkman's Pretender
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posted August 06, 2007 08:56 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
I'm having fun listening to lots of obscure music on MySpace (every two-bit tryhard has a MySpace site) and have made a couple of genuinely exciting discoveries: Black Angels, 16 Horsepower

I couldn't help lamenting the fact that the story is much the same as the pop charts. The derivative lightweight poop floats to the top and gets a million clicks while the really interesting and innovative stuff languishes.
I like to think I'm making allowances for the fact that my tastes run to the weird and the extreme but I just wonder how many identical bollocks artists the mainstream wants. I still get fooled every time. There's this flagwaving fucktard who writes country songs that were old in 1957 and I was thinking "Ah specialty audience" but, no, he is a big name in the US apparently.

For that matter, Keith Urban has done pretty much the same thing. He's a throwback to the time when Aus artists could only achieve success if they slavishly copied American or British acts. It's a shame that you have to sing using a fake accent and false sentiment to make that many bucks. But is that different to an actor doing the same thing? It's the dichotomy built up where us music snobs expect the musician to write and play from their heart whereas acting is, by definition, about pretence.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted September 25, 2007 03:49 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
Still, what's in a name. I only found the Black Angels by accident and, when I went back for a MySpace search, there was a crowd of black angels. To avoid any further confusion or mishaps, I've added the 'real' ones - a psychedelic unit from Texas - to MySpace friends.

There's nothing I like better than dashing preconceptions, including my own, and pursuit of the original looked pretty silly when trawling through bands with bland names but awesome delivery.

It's always been the hardest thing about art, be it big A art or whatever, how do you judge? When it comes to functionality and precision, one feels safe. But when it comes to subjective assessment of what makes good art it's a different story.

This is not so bad for the consumer and the fan. Let the casino crowds roll their dice with Celine wailing in the background or Wayne Newton making a living mispronouncing thankyou in German. But its different if you've thrown your lot in with the producers of Art. Then you feel like you've got a stake in things and Michael Bolton being as uninspiring as it is possible to be and still have motion and movement is somehow an affront. Even when you are never going to capture the same target audience of middleaged Hausfraus that are uniquely his.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted September 28, 2007 04:41 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
Speaking of the casino crowd, and this is not a group I'm intimately familiar with so I won't ponder this for too long. Perhaps you need high rolling crap when you're rolling craps. It's fair enough too. When I'm at a rodeo, I WANT to hear country music.

Given that there's a purpose to every music form, does this mean we should just nod sagely at every turn, and say pretentious things like de gustibus non est dispatandum and caveat emptor, instead of going along with the critics and music historians who select the best and praise the most creative.

I personally think there's a lot of fun to be had from drawing up lists and enthusing in public about your favourite groups. The exclusions and the passages skipped over too quickly give the game away about what you don't much care for. But that's a pretty passive way of saying you don't like someone's songs.

And so what if I'm a nerd.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted September 29, 2007 09:21 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
There are quantifiable methods to getting at the great and good in songwriting and melody arranging, surprisingly. Initial sales aren't indicative of anything other than mass whimsy and the mood of the time, but what ends up in the bargain bins and what takes pride of place on a second-hand record store wall are better signs - look at what people are getting rid of after a few years.
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Berkman's Pretender
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posted September 29, 2007 08:33 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
Of course you have to remember that the scratchy copy of the Sound of Music soundtrack at the Anglican jumble sale is more a sign of the all pervading popularity it enjoyed, than the realisation that it's tacky. That falls to louche lounge artists. Not naming any names.
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Berkman's Pretender
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posted October 04, 2007 03:56 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
I almost fell prey to the musical habits I am most critical of. I had just gotten through seven pages of bands with 'truck' in their name and was down to acts with fewer than a thousand listens. Nothing lower than that can be any good I found myself thinking, contrary to all my own experiences.
Had the Stone Temple Pilots recently put some subliminal blip in their recording telling me to respect popular shite at the expense of obscure brilliance?

Good thing my own reasoning quickly corrected this aberration as otherwise I would have missed the Truck Stop Poets.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted October 19, 2007 07:03 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
What did my truck stop highlight? The diversity of bands, the number of bands who happily reproduced their favourite sound and the number of folk who really put up piss weak efforts. The Truckstop Janitors need to clean up their act. And they're not the only ones.

I can only report from my experience. I didn't like the old rock rote by numbers but I did hear Little Brother Trucker (was a mean motherfucker) a couple of times so it was worth the experience.
I've driven trucks and I've sat up and tried to keep a truckie awake on a couple of hours sleep a night and speeding off his nut, so maybe I just got the allusion in White Line Junkie , which is a tour de force lyrically.

And it wasn't all about trucks. Some foreign bands plum liked the name. They used it in odd combinations and then sang about completely different things. No Phantom 309 on their horizon.

Luckily I am interested in all sorts of shit. I used to raid my nana's record collection and have given the crooners one more spin than my contemporaries. This explains my ability to watch Buble and enjoy his effortless old style ability to entertain.

But back to trucks. I don't know why trucks. I'd tried numbers and going through the alphabet but that was a bit too random. And too big. Trucks was down to a sizable exhaustive list. It hadn't occured to me to check out all the Bobs or Bills or Grahams. So I'll stick with something random like vehicles of transportation and commerce. And I thought I'd stick with something I knew something about but didn't have an obsessive interest in.

Yeah, this was a different kind of tooting your own horn. A truckfull of murderers (I'm pretty sure they spelled it that way) was a different proposition: comical and deranged. They had the chops to; if calling yourself a name like that can ever said to be having the chops.
But fun once.

Other truckfuls were more racist and paranoid and I did miss those. Mainly because they hadn't the wherewithal to post songs.

I don't mind listening to even the most extreme sentiment cooked up in the heat of unforgiving adolescence. I'm also at the age where I can appreciate why those same guys would start writing softer songs and being more gently reflective.
I got an insight into (what I took to be) a bar culture and that need to please a live audience.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted October 19, 2007 07:18 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
There are all these groups - or couple of guys with their own recording gear - and their songs stuck up on MySpace just hoping that somebody will stray off Screamo or Trip Hop long enough to notice.

Now I'm on Bin. I've bin further afield to places like Korea. Wherever it takes me.
But I will continue the journey on my own as it hardly merits further study.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted November 02, 2007 04:43 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
Okay, but only because I want to stop being an analytical pain in the arse as my ex once called me, and just revel:

If you like girl bands - there's a good grrrl variety in Binky, Nice Ass, and

Girl Band


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted December 05, 2007 04:52 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
When you think of 'Dead' bands you think of Dead Kennedys right?! Maybe the Dead Boys or, at a pinch, Dead Milkmen..

Not if you're a top rated MySpace group you don't, you think to the tune of over a million listens of

Dead Poetic

WTF???!!!

(and they're fucking awful to boot)


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted December 05, 2007 05:07 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
The popularity doesn't seem proportional to the real world because, unless I've missed something or am just not in the groove (quite possible), Nappy Roots, a hip hop/rap group from Louisville Kentucky are just not that big yet they register a million and a half hits on MySpace.
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Mkisofs
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posted December 06, 2007 01:43 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Mkisofs   Flood The Mailbox Of Mkisofs     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
I believe your assessment to be accurate. I cannot imagine a worse place to slap a hip/hop group than Louisville (and I'm not talking about racial crap going on. Louisville is just about as far north as one can get and still be in the south (i.e. the width of one river is all that separates it from the north geographically and there's a bridge). It's a small market to begin with and 90% of the people there are into country music).

Something phishy’s going on here. They've probably got a botnet set up generating spoofed hits, or someone has set one up on their behalf. There’s a tremendous amount of IT talent there being churned out by Toyota’s robotics lab there (in Lexington), plus there are two major college campuses right there with bored students turning out Turing machines as we speak. We’d do this kind of stuff for funzies and no one would suspect us, because, after all, we’re just dumb minds-of-mush hillbillies…


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted February 08, 2008 06:54 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
An odd thing has been happening. I'm used to it now and it all but forms my cosmology but I'll no sooner check out an act on MySpace and there's a reference to them in some other media or context.

Jack Off Jill were featured in a list of Goth bands worth listening to and Jack Panate toured here. Kittie sprung up where there'd been no mention before.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted February 29, 2008 04:53 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
I'm not sure why the sudden perception that MySpace was for the under 35. Surely if the layout and functionality is such that you are able to make some use of it, that's all the stipulation one needs.

and if you prefer to launch zombie attacks on each other, there's other places for that.

I moved over to given names for my sampling but nothing remarkable to relate there; just plenty of good music. I have become more "cranky" as I feel I've done a sufficient field sample not to have to subject myself to all five songs of an artist I'm not into.

If it's borderline I'll stay. I'm usually doing something while I'm listening anyway so no harm done.
But, yeah, if it's something I'd keep turning the dial on, onto something else.

Must say I liked Stephen Marley. I can't weave that into a MySpace moment but on first listening I like him more than Damien Junior Gong


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted June 22, 2008 12:36 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
The most annoying attitude from MySpace musicians has been the one that sees them giving the innocent surfer snippets of their most vaunted songs. It's usually, if not always, a stadium filler chart topper type that pulls this stunt. The unknown or struggling indie band is only too happy for you to add one of their songs to your site. And I ain't going to spread the irritation by giving you a snatch of 'Thank God I'm a Country Boy' when you log on to my site.

Of course, if you are one of the acts with ten million or more hits, you can always do like Tommy Lee and put noodley instrumentally kind of stuff that is far removed from the band he drums with.

I've been listening to Robs and Bobs and Bills and Johns for some while now and I do have something to impart: there is a whole mainstream buckskin world you got there that we're not even so much as aware of. I've never heard of George Strait or Billy Currington or Brad Paisley. And I'm not even sure what all the other folk round here would make of these guys if they had heard of them; which they haven't.

It seems contrived to me but then so did a Judas Priest album that was being featured on Classic Albums so maybe it's just me. I did get a bit of a laugh out of the song about the kid with the murderous drug addicts parents who is adopted by churchgoing people and, upon arriving and seeing a picture of Jesus, proclaims that he's seen Him before when he was crouching behind the couch. I'm sure it was meant to be a good ol' reality check but it was too dumb in its earnestness to be taken seriously.

Anyway these guys take a number of top spots unless you go onto the Wilfs and Percies. As do the rappers for that matter. I can't tell that there's lots more going on with the guys who are number one than the ones further down.

And there's surprising omissions like Rod Stewart and Billy Joel. Did they not feel they needed the exposure? A pretty fair appraisal.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted August 17, 2008 04:52 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
The best '[once]popular mainstream artist site' is Billy Idol's. He includes versions of songs that you can't get elsewhere and finishes (on a live track) thanking his audience for putting up with him for all those years!
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Berkman's Pretender
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posted September 25, 2008 04:10 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
The most dismal music form? People say country but I grew up with country and there's some good stuff out there. Opera? I don't understand it but technically it has its merits.

For me it's a toss-up between the modern R&B, which is nothing like the rollicking good time great beat, sound of yore. This is whispy fakey boring ass crap. And it's uberpopular. Go figure.
aaaand.. emo. Has a more inane horrible-to-listen-to shite genre ever existed? I dunno. I can revel in roar throat theatrics when there's good death metal thunder behind it. I can hum along to self-absorbed theatrics when Morrissey sings them, with his tinge of mordant wit. But whenever I click on any emo/screamo/I'm a middle class white kid with too much time on my hands and not enough real angst in my life music I just want to go round and knock on their door and explain to them in great lengths why they're pathetic.
This genre is also, needless to say, hugely popular.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted October 24, 2008 12:09 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
Little Anthony and the Imperials are celebrating fifty years together, despite doo wop not having been in fashion for most of that time.
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Berkman's Pretender
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posted October 27, 2008 02:49 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
With some bands, the fan tribute site is more popular than the official site. This is the case with Moby Grape probably because those old hippies didn't get around to fielding their own MySpace presence until some time later. Good music though.
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Berkman's Pretender
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posted October 31, 2008 07:52 AM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
In some cases, especially as the band members get older and further removed from the lives they lived when they were recording at their peak, the other site provides a better representation if you're not already familiar with their work.

I found this with Spooky Tooth: the versions of songs on the certified official site didn't leave me that impressed. More an exercise in being able to cross them off my list.
But when I listened to the second most popular Spooky Tooth site, there were these fantastic 60s psychedelic numbers.

(Yes I'm taking a break from random Rodneys and catching up on those groups that have ereto been names in a rock compendium. For me this means going back to the sixties and seventies.)


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted May 07, 2009 07:14 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
My(Space's) bad: Rod Stewart has a page - under 'Ronald'
and Billy Joel has one - under 'Stephen'!

But of course.


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Berkman's Pretender
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posted February 13, 2010 11:13 PM     Sexy Personal Secrets About Berkman's Pretender   See the dumbass vanity page made by some Internet dork who thinks someone out there gives a rat's ass about their Star Wars obsession...   Flood The Mailbox Of Berkman's Pretender     Send New Private Message, Which Has a 99% Chance Of Being Completely Ignored.   Edit/Delete Post, Thus Making Yourself Look Like A Spineless Cunt.  Go Ahead!  Do It, Pussy!   Waste Time And Space By Repeating Shit We've Already Read And Put Yourself On The Hatter's Shit List.
Still pursuing this rather futile and eccentric activity. MySpace changes their format, which is irritating, but they're not as bad as Facebook, whose very charter is 'jerking users around'.

Anyway.. for a month or so there I couldn't get a search for 'Lenny'. I'm not sure why. Every time I tried a message came up saying that the error had been reported to their techs but, if so, Lennies were lower down on their list of priorities. I don't know what Mr Kravitz would have had to say about that, but I guess you just put the whole name in if you want his page.

It wasn't some anti-Zionist plot: there were Lens and Leonards and Leons, just no Lenny.


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